Talking is easy. I do it all the time. You do, too.
It’s a thing that’s normally innate to us but most of the time, I just can’t get any words to come out of my mouth, like it’s physically impossible. Especially, in times of interrogation or interviews or simply having a conversation with friends. Yeah, that’s lame. It’s impossible for people to not be able to talk, duh.
YUP, that’s possible. I’m the living proof that not everyone can hold a conversation or even have guts to start one. Well, here’s a thing. I’m not a native speaker of the language called “English” and that’s a big deal. I know, there’s a lot of Asians who have perfected their speaking abilities and then, there’s the agonizing IRONY that I’m an English Major. That’s right, kid.
We’re supposedly trained to speak, write and scrutinize every grammar mistake you’re making but here I am, whining why can’t I utter a word without stuttering.
*cue twenty|one|pilots’ Migraine*
Am I the only one I know
Waging my war behind my face
And above my throat
Shadows will scream that I’m alone
But I know we’ve made it this far, kid.
In all probability, there could be tiny people that are clearly meddling with my throat and pulling my guts and squeezing my lungs and cutting off the connection between my brain and mouth. That’s awesome but no thanks. I’ll just talk about possible factors that may be affecting me:
There’s a great lack of it. It’s not like I’m not confident to talk to other people but it’s more of a ‘do-I-sound-weird-or-like-an-idiot-while-I’m-talking?’. Apparently, I’m only confident when I know I’ve lived long enough to know that thing and I’m sure 3 years of college + 4 years of high school + 6 years of elementary school + 2 years of prep school = FIFTEEN YEARS IS NOT ENOUGH TIME FOR LEARNING THE COMPLEX ENGLISH.
So, obviously you assume that you don’t know English at all and here you are writing up a Blog in a language you’re not particularly fond of?
Let me share to you how I got into this course.
Once a upon a time, I scored a bit lower to qualify on a “Accountancy” Course Program and a little bit too late for Communication Research (there are no more slots available) and I need to choose, on that very day, what course can I endure for four long years. I thought that anything with Math will make me think too much so I picked a very safe one.
BACHELOR OF ARTS IN ENGLISH
I had fun, that’s all.
I can’t stand doing things slowly. I walk fast and suddenly wondering why I’m alone. I swear I was with my fellows just a few moments ago. Also, I finish tasks before its deadline. I don’t have a patience to wait for something and because of it, I tend to rush my words out and I’m struggling to keep up with it.
RUNNING OUT OF IDEAS
In a conversation, someone must approach and start talking. I’m sure I’m not that kind of person; all talk-y and cheer-y. I’m on the other side of the table; Listeners. But at some point, you would really need to talk especially when you’re trapped in an awkward silence and your phone is dead.
Here’s a list of things that I enjoy sharing about:
-Psychology of Things
-Future (You know, what would happen to you in the next ten years)
Other than these? Nah, I don’t know about outside world. And if someone talks to me about anything else, I swear, you have my divided attention (unless you’re a cool person). It’s just hard to get out of the awkward zone and start babbling about everything.
After these whining, I’m trying to be a lot better than a listener. (Nothing’s wrong with it, talkers can’t talk without listeners. Just believe in that and you’ll live.) If you can’t conquer talking, bring your whiteboard and marker. Who needs talking when you’ve got these. 🙂